Texts From Last Night

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back

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(732): she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back http://tfl.nu/8662

Replies (14) Good night (5087) Bad night (1298)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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(601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978

Replies (13) Good night (3801) Bad night (1242)
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(310): View more from California

LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

(310): View more from California

And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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(310): LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers. (310): And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow. http://tfl.nu/mkft

Replies (26) Good night (4283) Bad night (1365)
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(941): View more from Florida

I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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(941): I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/ukm2

Replies (11) Good night (5146) Bad night (1120)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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(262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj

Replies (22) Good night (7529) Bad night (1862)
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(712): View more from Iowa

Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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(712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj

Replies (35) Good night (1946) Bad night (5221)
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(438): View more from Quebec

that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage

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(438): that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage http://tfl.nu/1y6d

Replies (12) Good night (1417) Bad night (4551)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

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(651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346

Replies (29) Good night (10495) Bad night (1229)
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(509): View more from Washington

Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

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(509): Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint http://tfl.nu/0n30

Replies (10) Good night (1412) Bad night (4813)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

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(402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj

Replies (28) Good night (6271) Bad night (1899)
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(303): View more from Colorado

We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

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(303): We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen. http://tfl.nu/slj5

Replies (22) Good night (7245) Bad night (1056)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.

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(778): i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/ob4u

Replies (5) Good night (1252) Bad night (3755)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

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(913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp

Replies (18) Good night (5526) Bad night (1299)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A

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(603): i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A http://tfl.nu/1ey6

Replies (28) Good night (1284) Bad night (5463)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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(484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1

Replies (47) Good night (4854) Bad night (1743)

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