It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.