Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...