like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Send us your Text From Last Night!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel