He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time