Texts From Last Night

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(206): View more from Washington

when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.

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(206): when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp. http://tfl.nu/bpd1

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(415): View more from California

I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

(510): View more from California

I hope so

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(415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l

Replies (41) Good night (1992) Bad night (5040)
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(334): View more from Alabama

The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

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(334): The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/m75t

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(905): View more from Toronto

Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?

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(905): Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray? http://tfl.nu/uvnt

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(443): View more from Maryland

I could have mohawked her pubes.

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(443): I could have mohawked her pubes. http://tfl.nu/msas

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair

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(508): even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair http://tfl.nu/q2bb

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(847): View more from Illinois

3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.

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(847): 3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world. http://tfl.nu/xg24

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(817): View more from Texas

I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...

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(817): I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working... http://tfl.nu/rly7

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(419): View more from Ohio

I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

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(419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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(919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt

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(917): View more from New York City

I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

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(917): I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now http://tfl.nu/4qek

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(310): View more from California

I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.

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(310): I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes. http://tfl.nu/odo7

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(409): View more from Texas

Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs

(1-409): View more from Texas

His name should be shouldn't

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(409): Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs (1-409): His name should be shouldn't http://tfl.nu/ggoo

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

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(336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg

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(206): View more from Washington

genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

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(206): genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer http://tfl.nu/ip3a

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