He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?