i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.