The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Houston, we have a blender
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.