Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety