Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.