The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.