Texts From Last Night

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(859): View more from Kentucky

it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.

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(859): it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/bad1

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(314): View more from Missouri

i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit

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(314): i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit http://tfl.nu/hok4

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

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(610): Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry. http://tfl.nu/7qgs

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(714): View more from California

found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

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(714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner. http://tfl.nu/5d6x

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(310): View more from California

and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.

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(310): and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night. http://tfl.nu/rugs

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(636): View more from Missouri

It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.

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(636): It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy. http://tfl.nu/okgv

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.

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(484): At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town. http://tfl.nu/jjq0

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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(908): so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy. http://tfl.nu/ocps

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(312): View more from Illinois

Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.

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(312): Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face. http://tfl.nu/6ki2

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(301): View more from Maryland

Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

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(301): Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me. (1-301): I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom. http://tfl.nu/1oh9

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(510): View more from California

So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school

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(510): So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school http://tfl.nu/z2dy

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off

(617): View more from Massachusetts

he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.

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(919): i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off (617): he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich. http://tfl.nu/ubgv

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(203): View more from Connecticut

can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?

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(203): can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town? http://tfl.nu/qtp4

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(425): View more from Washington

There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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(425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm

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(651): View more from Minnesota

nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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(651): nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent http://tfl.nu/r5vc

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