The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.