found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.