I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride