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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.