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At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
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