Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
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on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.