I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?