Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.