I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment