hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want her autograph on my taint
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?