they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?