and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.