There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me