i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Send us your Text From Last Night!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.