Texts From Last Night

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(520): View more from Arizona

But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

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(520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c

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(949): View more from California

Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.

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(949): Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier. http://tfl.nu/b8lx

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(360): View more from Washington

She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.

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(360): She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt. http://tfl.nu/1my8

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.

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(973): Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California. http://tfl.nu/4mjs

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?

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(412): Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went? http://tfl.nu/2c9n

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.

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(717): He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again. http://tfl.nu/x7y1

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?

(401): View more from Rhode Island

we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.

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(401): remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice? (401): we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession. http://tfl.nu/61ek

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(952): View more from Minnesota

i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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(952): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis http://tfl.nu/alsr

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(519): View more from Ontario

i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.

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(519): i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there. http://tfl.nu/mjp7

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(850): View more from Florida

JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

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(850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf

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(509): View more from Washington

Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

(253): View more from Washington

was*

(509): View more from Washington

True, R.I.P.

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(509): Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin (253): was* (509): True, R.I.P. http://tfl.nu/u2pm

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(212): View more from New York

that's an acceptable place to lick

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(212): that's an acceptable place to lick http://tfl.nu/6rie

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds

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(860): And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/xs1z

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(240): View more from Maryland

so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

(301): View more from Maryland

1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

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(240): so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend (301): 1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps http://tfl.nu/019j

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.

(803): View more from South Carolina

Genius.

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(704): I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty. (803): Genius. http://tfl.nu/hci7

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