You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window