EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone