Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.