i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
So squirting runs in the family.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.