What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dating After Heartbreak
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life