I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's never too late to be topless.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.