It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.