how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.