She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Semen is not good for contacts.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.