The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.