We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's never too late to be topless.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"