I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.