On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.