During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.