You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.