we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.