How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.