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    (916): View more from California

    Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'

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    Replies (19) Good night (3460) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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    (443): View more from Maryland

    Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.

    (1-443): View more from Maryland

    Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.

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    Replies (38) Good night (3726) Bad night (1406)
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    (609): View more from New Jersey

    We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

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    Replies (33) Good night (7542) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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    (804): View more from Virginia

    names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.

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    Replies (8) Good night (3494) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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    (919): View more from North Carolina

    I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.

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    Replies (32) Good night (3525) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
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    (412): View more from Pennsylvania

    we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.

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    Replies (35) Good night (857) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
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    (917): View more from New York City

    you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?

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    Replies (238) Good night (4892) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
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    (310): View more from California

    Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)

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    Replies (53) Good night (11784) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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    (954): View more from Florida

    i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night

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    Replies (33) Good night (3722) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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    (925): View more from California

    im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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    Replies (65) Good night (4944) Bad night (1424) Order T-Shirt
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    (412): View more from Pennsylvania

    I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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    Replies (55) Good night (725) Bad night (3322) Order T-Shirt
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    (561): View more from Florida

    i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

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    Replies (43) Good night (1072) Bad night (5023) Order T-Shirt
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    (917): View more from New York City

    I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

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    Replies (58) Good night (986) Bad night (6006) Order T-Shirt
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    (775): View more from Nevada

    Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.

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    Replies (11) Good night (3520) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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    (214): View more from Texas

    I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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    Replies (38) Good night (463) Bad night (4202) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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