Texts From Last Night

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(916): View more from California

Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'

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(916): Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon' http://tfl.nu/xx25

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(443): View more from Maryland

Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.

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(443): Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain. (1-443): Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one. http://tfl.nu/00ky

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(609): View more from New Jersey

We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

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(609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou

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(804): View more from Virginia

names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.

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(804): names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving. http://tfl.nu/d6qb

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.

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(919): I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts. http://tfl.nu/d6ex

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.

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(412): we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents. http://tfl.nu/8scw

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(917): View more from New York City

you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?

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(917): you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom? http://tfl.nu/36az

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(310): View more from California

Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)

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(310): Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :) http://tfl.nu/0k31

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(954): View more from Florida

i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night

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(954): i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night http://tfl.nu/gokf

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(925): View more from California

im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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(925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going? http://tfl.nu/wvih

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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(412): I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed http://tfl.nu/d0u5

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(561): View more from Florida

i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

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(561): i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching. http://tfl.nu/cq5g

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(917): View more from New York City

I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

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(917): I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas http://tfl.nu/eh4r

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(775): View more from Nevada

Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.

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(775): Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket. http://tfl.nu/kdwl

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(214): View more from Texas

I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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(214): I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off. http://tfl.nu/qpy6

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