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Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
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