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    (512): View more from Texas

    you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator

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    Replies (17) Good night (7552) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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    (478): View more from Georgia

    she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet

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    Replies (14) Good night (3726) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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    (224): View more from Illinois

    I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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    Replies (22) Good night (5961) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
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    (303): View more from Colorado

    i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'

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    Replies (17) Good night (5172) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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    (516): View more from New York

    The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.

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    Replies (29) Good night (4338) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
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    (503): View more from Oregon

    I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

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    Replies (42) Good night (5933) Bad night (867)
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    (423): View more from Tennessee

    Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely

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    Replies (37) Good night (469) Bad night (4073) Order T-Shirt
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    (478): View more from Georgia

    you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

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    Replies (12) Good night (6619) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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    (507): View more from Minnesota

    I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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    Replies (7) Good night (3576) Bad night (683)
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    (412): View more from Pennsylvania

    i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles

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    Replies (19) Good night (4253) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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    (630): View more from Illinois

    week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.

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    Replies (37) Good night (4492) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
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    (817): View more from Texas

    I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.

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    Replies (27) Good night (744) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
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    (330): View more from Ohio

    if i died would you start the facebook group?

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    Replies (27) Good night (4277) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
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    (513): View more from Ohio

    I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.

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    Replies (7) Good night (3764) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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    (720): View more from Colorado

    Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.

    (303): View more from Colorado

    Some perfection is debatable.

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    Replies (32) Good night (4038) Bad night (565)
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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