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    (760): View more from California

    My pussy is not your playground.

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    Replies (63) Good night (1342) Bad night (5320) Order T-Shirt
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    (540): View more from Virginia

    And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...

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    Replies (44) Good night (1134) Bad night (9482) Order T-Shirt
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    (770): View more from Georgia

    he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took

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    Replies (47) Good night (6857) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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    (865): View more from Tennessee

    And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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    Replies (21) Good night (5726) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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    (240): View more from Maryland

    Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.

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    Replies (127) Good night (27554) Bad night (1997) Order T-Shirt
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    (518): View more from New York

    The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?

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    Replies (25) Good night (10065) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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    (831): View more from California

    I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.

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    Replies (3) Good night (3373) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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    (770): View more from Georgia

    Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you

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    Replies (14) Good night (975) Bad night (4397) Order T-Shirt
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    (306): View more from Saskatchewan

    So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?

    (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

    Don't tempt me, I need beer money.

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    Replies (26) Good night (5940) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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    (516): View more from New York

    I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

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    Replies (89) Good night (5708) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
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    (615): View more from Tennessee

    i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.

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    Replies (40) Good night (9528) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
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    (630): View more from Illinois

    it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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    Replies (10) Good night (5354) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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    (651): View more from Minnesota

    just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway

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    Replies (18) Good night (966) Bad night (3605) Order T-Shirt
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    (201): View more from New Jersey

    yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!

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    Replies (28) Good night (3779) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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    (615): View more from Tennessee

    one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars

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    Replies (14) Good night (902) Bad night (2990) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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