Texts From Last Night

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(252): View more from North Carolina

im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note

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(252): im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note http://tfl.nu/eb9t

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

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(832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo

Replies (21) Good night (5419) Bad night (1124)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people

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(203): I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people http://tfl.nu/t9vq

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(512): View more from Texas

We need to rekindle our bromance

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(512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket

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(978): he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket http://tfl.nu/jdxn

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(630): View more from Illinois

my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.

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(630): my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/0m3h

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(818): View more from California

Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

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(818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj

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(252): View more from North Carolina

He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.

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(252): He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/eaqz

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(270): View more from Kentucky

There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.

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(270): There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal. http://tfl.nu/1sv3

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(313): View more from Michigan

you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.

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(313): you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones. http://tfl.nu/7zc6

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

where does the pee come out of this thing

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(920): where does the pee come out of this thing http://tfl.nu/pebd

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(206): View more from Washington

My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..

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(206): My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury.. http://tfl.nu/rawt

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(305): View more from Florida

I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"

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(305): I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez" http://tfl.nu/8edj

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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(919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f

Replies (210) Good night (31722) Bad night (2855)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her

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(608): Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her http://tfl.nu/en5u

Replies (48) Good night (2527) Bad night (3212)

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