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If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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