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    (404): View more from Georgia

    Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...

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    Replies (35) Good night (1094) Bad night (4482) Order T-Shirt
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    (315): View more from New York

    just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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    Replies (15) Good night (980) Bad night (3775) Order T-Shirt
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    (503): View more from Oregon

    Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

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    Replies (21) Good night (4810) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
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    (914): View more from New York

    I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world

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    Replies (40) Good night (5638) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
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    (215): View more from Pennsylvania

    It was confusing and full of hummus

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    Replies (13) Good night (1507) Bad night (3006) Order T-Shirt
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    (425): View more from Washington

    I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.

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    Replies (12) Good night (5135) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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    (330): View more from Ohio

    I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh

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    Replies (54) Good night (874) Bad night (5134) Order T-Shirt
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    (703): View more from Virginia

    i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

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    Replies (24) Good night (1310) Bad night (8163) Order T-Shirt
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    (201): View more from New Jersey

    Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.

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    Replies (7) Good night (4367) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
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    (973): View more from New Jersey

    I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

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    Replies (13) Good night (4135) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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    (541): View more from Oregon

    bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?

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    Replies (19) Good night (663) Bad night (7001) Order T-Shirt
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    (856): View more from New Jersey

    you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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    Replies (34) Good night (4063) Bad night (971)
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    (480): View more from Arizona

    I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot

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    Replies (87) Good night (10896) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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    (205): View more from Alabama

    im getting a BJ in a closet

    (205): View more from Alabama

    and a penguin just handed me a bong

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    Replies (60) Good night (12174) Bad night (736)
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    (803): View more from South Carolina

    it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.

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    Replies (53) Good night (2535) Bad night (4321) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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