My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.