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That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
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