I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we should paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".