I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna