I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.