I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.