Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.