Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens