Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits