No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic