I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you bring me the toilet please
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.