Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage