Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day