Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.