All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.