I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.