Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid