I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY