I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.