My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.