That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good