I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.