We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.